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Friday, February 4, 2011

Modified notes from Dale Carnegie's Book

First, here is an important motto to learn:

For each and every day, improve myself in crucial ways,
There are no limits or boundaries, for I’m always achieving great new things,
Achievement is always the next steps, and success always leads to more success.

Important quotes are written here:

Integrity is found when the mind resolves its internal conflicts, and self-confidence radiates when people are working intelligently and ambitiously to achieve a set of goals.

Quote from Peter Hankins “if your actions aren’t in a direct causal line with your behavior, then you don’t really intend them, and if your perceptions aren’t in a direct causal line with sensory experience, then you don’t really feel them.”

With this in mind, here are some of Dale Carnegie’s secrets for success from his book
"How to Win Friends and Influence People".

How to treat people:
Never criticize, condemn or complain about people unless there is a very good reason too. Be forewarned though, when people are judged they become very defensive, and this will potentially turn even your friends against you. Therefore, judge not lest ye be judged.

In order to motivate people to do anything for you, you must first reveal how it will be beneficial to them. By revealing the benefits of certain actions, you can arouse desires and instill new motives in people. Conversely, it is unfair to force or trick people to do anything which is only to your benefit, and it will likely result in strife or even revenge.

Always show sincere appreciation and praise for a job well done for this encourages further excellence and friendly cooperation, but be honest when somebody has fallen short of expectations because this will let people know where they should improve.

~~~~RULE from It’s Your Ship:
-> If people come up short, then get it out in the open with them immediately, perhaps you just need to provide some form of instructional training for them is all.
->However, if they already have had the training, then perhaps you need to give them a deadline by which time they need to improve their technique or else there will be some form of consequences.
-> When you warn people about the consequences of not improving by the given deadlines, be sure that you are clear and specific about what the consequences are going to be. For honesty sake, be sure to actually carry the penalties out if you haven’t seen the level of improvement that you were expecting of them by the deadlines.

In order to win people over to you:

Try to be genuinely happy and content with yourself, be sure to smile and show good humor. Do this and the people around you will want to share within some of that joy and good humor, happiness and contentness are contagious and tend to uplift general morale.

Remembering people’s names is extremely important and easy to do, you just have to take the time. Always try to use people’s real names whenever it is possible to do so. Nicknames are not as good as the real thing unless they are preferred.

Always try to express a genuine interest in other people. People are generally more interested in talking about themselves and their accomplishments than listening to what you have to say. When you meet people, always be a good listener and encourage them to talk about themselves if you are interested. Listening to what other people have to say about themselves makes it easier for you to warm up to them and vise versa.

Try to talk in terms of other people’s interests. Talking about something that the other person is interested in generally makes for good conversation. If you don’t know something about the subject matter, then be sure to ask questions about it, this is a good opportunity to learn something new and maybe pick up a new interest.

Try to be outgoing and to make people feel genuinely important too. When you make people feel important, then they will accept your advice and what you say to them as important in return.

How to influence people with you ideas:

Arguments generally never get people to change their mind because it causes people to become highly defensive of themselves. Nobody likes being proved wrong because this can be a stomp on their dignity. People will remain unconvinced and perhaps even stand firmer with their original positions if their belief is put on the line. Arguing creates enemies and sometimes makes it impossible to sway people to your line of thought.

Try to avoid arguments with people whenever possible. If a disagreement is brought up between you and someone else, however, then it is important for you to remain objective. The hard facts and data don’t lie, and therefore rational people can’t really argue with them, but some people will argue with just about anything regardless of the factuality.

Unfortunately, however, nobody can remember what all the facts are, and it is important not to make up any facts as you‘re going along. A good strategy for resolving argumentative conflicts is to get people to explain what it is that they disagree on by asking questions in a socratic manner. Always look for and emphasize the areas that you agree with in that person’s explanations, and be sure to apologize for any mistakes you might have made in the conversation. If you are unsure of a matter that is brought to your attention though, then be sure and promise to think over or research the new points.

Pointers and exceptions:
-> Don’t argue with the experts, however, but if you don’t understand then be sure and ask them to explain it to you because they most likely know more of the facts and details than you do, and they can usually school you in any argument that is based on the extrapolation of the facts that is within their expertise.

-> This obviously doesn’t work for religions or subjects where the beliefs are based on faith or superstition rather than on the facts though. It is unimaginable to be calling a schemer or a believer in a faith based scheme an "expert" of sorts.

A) Ergo, if you can see that somebody that you care about is being hindered by certain fantasy beliefs or that the logic behind the belief is hindering their thought process and it doesn’t hurt you to bring it up with them, then be sure to point out that their beliefs aren’t grounded in fact and therefore they are believing in something that is illogical and untrue. This will only work if you have some idea about how to refute the argument without being overly intrusive though.

B) If somebody’s irrational actions or fantasy beliefs are hindering you, perhaps that person believes in superstition dictating important decision making or that people need to make unnecessary sacrifices that cause loss and misfortune without making any positive gains, then it is important to evaluate that particular situation and decide what to do about it.

State your beliefs, opinions, and recalled facts in a non-authoritative manner if you happen to be unsure about the subject matter being discussed. Tell people that you’re not 100% sure of what you are about to say or specify that it is a theory, and then explain your thinking on how something goes “….” Phrasing things in a non-authoritative manner when you are unsure or asking questions socratically will cause people to think more critically about what you’ve said, and maybe they will be able to shed some light or add something more to the conversation without causing an argument to ensue. The great Socrates once said something along the lines of, “...even the experts know little when compared to the collective body of knowledge, and also next to nothing when compared to the seemingly infinite amount of premises and ideas that have never even been and possibly will never be discovered by the collective whole...”

If you’ve done something wrong, you should take the initiative and apologize before others bring it up. This will take the fight out of the accuser and will speed up the process of forgive and forget.

-> A simple apology can prevent something as big as a lawsuit or as small as a grudge, but it doesn’t always work.
-> In some situations, you’re not even obligated to apologize for what you’ve done because of the following:
A) It is such a small thing that the person won’t even be bothered by it
B) What you’ve done was a legal move and they deserved it (like firing someone)

Always try to open up conversations in a friendly and helpful manner. People won’t despise anyone who acts genuinely as their friend. Conversely, try not to open up conversations in an unfriendly or demanding manner. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”

In order to talk effectively, the other person should always agree with as many points you make as possible. If you start up a conversation with a “yes...yes...yes-rhetoric” then it will psychologically cause that person to be in a state of agreement. The more yes-momentum that is built up early in the conversation, the less likely you are to strike a disagreement. In contrast, starting off with a disagreeable point will be detrimental to the overall purpose of winning people over to your point of view.

Encourage others to express their thoughts and ideas while you listen with an open mind. People are always thrilled to talk about and express their own thoughts or ideas. If someone tells you an idea that doesn’t make sense, then ask them how they arrived at that conclusion. Some people have very good ideas that you would have not thought of by yourself. If you listen to other people’s ideas with an open mind, they may even want to return the favor and listen to your thoughts and ideas.

Ask successful people about their life’s achievements, for this is always of value to you. It is in the sort of small talk that, not only will the successful people like you for showing an interest, but you will have discovered another way to go about doing things successfully that you didn’t realize before.

People are fond of their own ideas just as you are fond of your own ideas. The reason that you’re fond of your own ideas is because you came up with them. Ergo, however, other people won’t just accept your own ideas if you try to hand it to them on a silver platter without a valid explanation. If you really want people to accept your ideas, you must tactfully help them arrive at the same conclusions you did. This is done by making suggestions that lead them through the same line of reasoning and to the same conclusion. Ultimately, they should think of the idea before they will accept it as truthful.

The ability to see things from someone else’s point of view, to metaphorically put yourself in the shoes of others, is a valuable asset towards gaining someone’s respect for you. By talking in a way that relates to other people’s perception, you can change their mind on extremely important issues and help them perceive it from your point of view.

Sometimes it is necessary to sympathize with people to get them to do what they don’t feel like doing. People need to know that you (1) understand the hardships involved, and (2) that the benefits from achieving a particular goal can largely outweigh the hardships involved in achieving it. Be sure to let them know how that you understand what it would be like if you were in their shoes, but that you see the advantages.

All people have the basic desire to do what’s right. Always make people feel as they are noble and honest and instill in them a sense of trustworthiness by appealing to the nobler motives.

Always reveal the positive effects of your ideas with a sense of showmanship. People are more likely to want to buy a car after they’ve seen it in action in commercials, similarly, people are more likely to accept your ideas if they have seen some showmanship and a good presentation.

Sometimes, proposing a direct challenge is the best way to get people striving to do better. The willingness to compete is an important attribute in hiring somebody too.

How to become a good leader:

Being a good leader means influencing people’s attitude and behaviors without arousing resentment. In order to be a leader, you must be able to think on your feet and be able to speak appealingly to the majority of people.

If you must point out people’s errors, you must acknowledge what they did good first and foremost. This will make them more receptive to what you are about to tell them, and then let them know that everybody makes mistakes, including even you. Thirdly, in order to make your demeanor appear less threatening, be sure to draw attention to a similar mistake that you once made or if you never made one then let them know that you understand how it is possible to make that particular mistake. Ultimately, though, so long as people don’t feel threatened as you‘re correcting them, they will be more open to following your advice or pointers.

People don’t like taking direct orders, so don’t give them direct orders. Instead, explain to people why certain tasks need to be done, and then nicely ask them to do these things.

Always be considerate towards other people’s feelings and let them save face when you have to make difficult decisions. When people know they’re getting the best out of certain situations, they will be the most satisfied.

Always give praise for a job well done, for this encourages further cooperation and excellence. People will improve without bounds when they receive honest praises for improvements in their abilities.

Many successful people succeed because of honest opinions. If you tell people that they have it in them to do spectacular things with their lives, they will strive to achieve remarkable things. With modest encouragement, some people can succeed where others have failed.

People never like to be regarded as below average or as underachievers by others. With a little encouragement, people will strive to prove others wrong. As any good tutor knows, failing students will become A and B students when they encourage them to study harder and do better.

Make people happy to do certain tasks for you by letting them know the benefits involved or by giving them some kind of an incentive to do it.